There
is a flip side to your communication that is often below your conscious
awareness. By raising awareness of your preferences
you can become even more effective. Most
politicians are unbalanced but not in the way you may think. They often answer questions and speak in a manner
that makes it difficult to understand what they actually mean. Their strong desire to be diplomatic means
that all too often they say lots of vague and ambiguous words that leave you
none the wiser. At the opposite end of
the scale you get the mavericks like Donald Trump who blurt out very
provocative and highly offensive statements that send many people into a spin
of incredulity, which means they instantly reject what he is saying.
Neither
of the examples above are effective because there is a paradox in
communication. In order to be a highly effective communicator you need to be
versatile in two complimentary, or one could say paradoxical, traits. If they are not balanced they can create psychological
and communication rigidity.
Imbalances cause rigidity
For
example, if I’m extremely diplomatic I will always seek to be tactful and avoid
upsetting people. I will allude to things and talk around them rather than
being too direct. However, this approach
and mind-set can lead to me forming a belief that being frank and to the point is
bad, hurtful and offensive. I will
consistently seek out all the evidence I can to confirm my belief that being frank
is wrong and I will avoid it at all costs.
I will shun frank people and dismiss them as ‘difficult’ or just
‘ignorant’. I will be unable to see that
my virtue, when it is unbalanced, misses the point and can lead to
confusion.
However,
if I’m very frank I will always make a point of saying what needs to be said
and consider it a virtue. I will
emphasise the need for ‘honesty’ and ‘the truth’. I’ll hold a belief that diplomacy is soft,
wishy-washy and just a way of pandering to people’s hyper-sensitivity. I will be unable to see that if my virtue of
frankness is unbalanced it is actually a vice.
Rigidity causes
problems
Imbalances
in the paradoxical traits of frankness and diplomacy cause endless problems at
work and in the world at large. When
there is an extreme imbalance between the two traits, people become very rigid
and inflexible in their behaviour and attitudes. When a trait is rigid or fixed, the individual
tends to blindly focus on the positive manifestations of that trait and ignore
the negative ones. This creates
automatic and habitual behaviours that repeat over and over again. People who are stuck in these patterns are
not conscious of it. They don’t see that
they are limiting their effectiveness and often end up damaging important
relationships because they have lost any element of choice in their behaviour. They end up believing that ‘that’s just the
way I am’.
Where
there is a strong imbalance in the paradoxical traits there is also an
interesting side effect.
Each
trait has an equal and opposite internal psychological force which manifests
under pressure. So when the person with
very high levels of diplomacy and low levels of frankness gets frustrated that
people don’t ‘get it’ or ‘can’t take a hint’, they ‘flip’ into being blunt. Likewise, I have seen many very frank leaders
who are normally rather blunt flip into evasiveness. For example, there are times when I have been
asked to coach a senior manager about their behaviour and when I meet with them
and ask them why they think they are having some coaching they don’t know
because the normally blunt leader has been very evasive about what they are
doing wrong! I now always ensure that
there is more clarity for the Coachee and this sometimes means coaching the
leader first.
Awareness empowers
flexibility
By
becoming aware that there is an imbalance in their approach most people can
begin to notice that there are some benefits to the complimentary traits that
they have been avoiding. This helps them
acknowledge that improvements are possible and that making changes may even
help them achieve their goals.
We
often have difficulty admitting to our disowned trait and will probably not
notice it unless we are made aware of it when we are under pressure and even
then we may get defensive about it because it seems so justifiable to us given
the circumstances.
The Paradox of Communication is illustrated below:
There
are two primary traits in the paradox of communication. Being ‘Frank’ is the tendency to be
straightforward, direct, to the point and forthright. Being ‘Diplomatic’ is the tendency to state
things in a tactful manner so they can be heard without causing offense.
Each
paradox also has four sub-traits that clearly illustrates where a person has
balanced versatility (both primary traits are strong) or one of the imbalances
described above. For example, ‘Forthright
Diplomacy’ is the tendency to be forthright and respectful at the same time
(High Frank and High Diplomatic). If you
have low frankness and high diplomacy you may have a passive imbalance and be
‘Evasive’. That means having the
tendency to be tactful without being sufficiently direct. However, if you have the tendency to be frank
or direct while lacking in diplomacy or tact (High Frank and Low Diplomatic)
you will be seen by many people to have the aggressive imbalance of being ‘Blunt’.
There
are also some people who avoid communication (Balanced Deficiency) which is the
tendency to lack frankness as well as diplomacy (Low Frank and Low Diplomatic). This can lead to a build-up of frustration
that, under pressure, flips to either bluntness or evasiveness depending on the
context.
There
is plenty of evidence of politicians getting into trouble for their ‘flips’. For example, saying very blunt comments about
the public or other foreign dignitaries when they think they are off camera but
microphones are still on. It is also
interesting to see how evasive Donald Trump is about his economic policies and
other areas where his inexperience could cause serious problems for the US.
Increasing self-awareness
What
is your personal tendency? What are the
tendencies of your people? What are your
flips? It is interesting to consider
whether you are seeing the normal behavioural range of your people or whether you
are seeing their flips? It is important
to recognise that many people are under chronic pressure at work and their
flips are almost becoming normal behaviour which is putting them under immense
strain because their communication is not coming from their preferred tendency.
A
number of clients are now using the Harrison Paradox Report to identify their
personal strengths and areas for development.
For each primary trait that needs development there is a simple report
that can be produced which provides a clear development plan to help managers develop
themselves or coach their people.
To
explore any of the above issues and to see where you stand on the Communication
Paradox, as well as the eleven other Paradoxes in this unique assessment, just
contact Amanda at info@InspiredWorking.com.
Remember, especially as you consider communication
. . . Stay Curious!
With best regards
David Klaasen
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